"We got to the point where we were really living in separate parts of the house. : The "other woman" speaks outįor the first five years of his marriage, AJ says things were rocky with his wife, Janet. Gary found that 88 percent of the men surveyed said the other women were no better looking or in no better shape than their own wives. How often does a man cheat on his wife with a woman who's more attractive? Not as often as you may think. "And the more we give it, the more we get it in return." "We get married because we want one person in the world to really think we're wonderful for doing all the things that we do. But if you want to secure your relationship and understand and have the knowledge of men, make them feel like they're winning with the things that they do for you."ĭon't be afraid to praise your partner or tell him that you appreciate what he does, Gary says. And what a lot of men will say to me through this research is, 'I just felt like I couldn't win.' Now they might not have been great guys to live with, I'm not saying it's her fault, again. Once it's a blowout and they know their team can't win, television goes off. But as long as they're in the game, even to the very end, they'll watch. "Does he have ownership in the team? It looks like that. Just think about how the men in your life act while watching their favorite sports teams. They're searching and looking for somebody to build them up to make them feel valued." But on the inside, they're insecure like everybody else. "Men look strong, look powerful and capable. Makes them feel appreciated, admired," he says. Gary says the other woman often makes the man feel better about himself. With daily worries like bills, children and chores, Gary says it's easy for couples to drift away from appreciating one another like they should. "I didn't feel comfortable going to the one person in the world I should be going to, which is my wife." : The signs you could be missing "That insecurity was really the catalyst," he says. Josh says he cheated on his wife, Jennifer, because he felt underappreciated at home and started feeling insecure. A lack of thoughtful gestures," Gary says. "The majority said it was an emotional disconnection, specifically a sense of feeling underappreciated. What's the number one reason men cheat? Ninety-two percent of men said it wasn't primarily about the sex. It's about building a much more mutually beneficial relationship." If I can give you knowledge that says that I could have proof that if you do certain things, you can lead your relationship to a better place, that will be much better for you as well because it's not just about stopping tragedy. "You want to help children of divorce? I said, 'Well, let's get really down and dirty and find out what we can do to save marriages and make them better.'"Īlthough Gary discusses how wives of cheaters can factor into affairs, he says he wrote the book to empower women. "For over 20 years, living along with women, counseling, seeing the devastation and how overwhelming it is when they are cheated on and what it subsequently does to the children and the family," he says. Gary says his work as a marriage counselor inspired him to write this book. To write "The Truth About Cheating," Gary surveyed hundreds of faithful and cheating husbands to uncover the real reason some men stray. Gary documented these findings - and many others - in a groundbreaking new book.